Trust the Process

In 2017, I started a journey of discovering, experiencing and exploring mental health issues... And I think it's fair to say that I have been on a long journey. I have had to really learn to "trust the process". This is a concept I have recently been told about, during therapy, but there is no doubt that it is an important one. It's one that has been life changing for me. Just those three words have helped me to slow down, think more clearly and understand the truth of what it means to be ok with who I am and what I am going through. Just the idea of slowing down isn't in my nature, at all. I am someone who is almost always on the go and busy doing something. I feel that this year has been that of a challenge, BUT a good challenge.

The two things I struggled with were:- 

- Being kind to myself 

- Being ok with putting ME first.

For 6 years, I was a mother figure to my younger siblings and I think, in short.. I basically tired myself out thinking about it all too much, and letting it tear me down. I did this without even realising and please understand me when I say.. It really was not their faults. It never was and never will be. I believe now, that the fault was all mine. I would overthink things. I would worry too much. I would think everyone was against me when things went wrong. I would blame myself for the mistakes of others. I would put others before myself. I would do anything for anyone. I would try and be there for everything. And most of all, I wasn't being me. I was trying to be everything to everyone. 

Now, not all of these things are bad, but when I tried to juggle everything (I was at Uni, with a Church placement - including two leadership roles, & my two sisters had little ones of their own, I was in a relationship) and the balance was all too much. I overloaded myself. I was overworked. I think I overdid it.

This had a knock on effect on how I viewed life, how I viewed myself and what then led to huge amounts of negativity. I went through a period of depression and anxiety closely crept in too, whilst I was already down. I stopped going out with friends and I pushed people away. I tried to push Matt away but he didn't let me. And that was when I knew that something needed to change. I needed to get some therapy.

So, here's a note to us, who are struggling on the daily with trying to be more than we can be. 

- You're not superhuman! 

- Let's be kind to ourselves. 

- You can't be everything to everyone. 

- Trust the process

- You CAN and will change, if you want to.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this.