About Mel

Firstly I want to say, Thank you! Thank you for taking the time to come to my Blog! 

This is me, my life and my story & I hope you enjoy the read!

I am Mel, I am 25 years old and live in a lovely little town called Barry, in South Wales. I am married, have a beautiful home and I am doing a job that I love! These days, I really do not have much to complain about; but this has been a long time coming and I will always remain thankful for where I am at now. As you'll read on to find out.. It has taken me a while to overcome negative thoughts and anxiety over what the future holds.

One of my greatest passions in life is talking, to friends, to family and to people in general! I am very much an extrovert and get energy from being around and talking to people. But, also I have always enjoyed writing. I feel that this can be a better way to get your thoughts onto paper and it also allows time to think, to reflect, to be and for me in particular, to really explore feelings more. I love to write, to share my opinion and to help others. My passion to write and share thoughts has always been there, I can reflect and challenge things very easily as I feel that this comes naturally to me!  Sometimes, they're crazy and weird little rumbles to myself and other times, they are really deep and thoughtful, which can be helpful to know or just really odd to think about. (I'll leave you decide that - hahah!)  This is the reason I have created the blog.

My main aims are this:

- Simply, to share my thoughts on life, as I know it!

- Inspire people, touch their lives!

- Fulfil a dream I have had for a long time!

- Reach the world!

So, in order to kick-start this blog, I thought it might be good to give you some background..

I grew up in Barry, with my mum and four siblings. I was second of the five and fell under the identity of the 'two older ones' followed by our younger siblings, the 'three little ones'. I say identity because it really does become part of how you see yourself.. when other people begin to label or state who you are. They address you this way and you grow up believing this is who you are, within the household. I saw this firsthand for myself. Being an older sibling came with great responsibility or at least to me I thought it did. I was instrumental in helping my mum with her children, growing up. My step-dad (who treated us like his own) lived just round the corner but left mum to her own devices during the week. It was always just the six of us. Mum never really had a job, as she had dedicated her life to us. We struggled financially but dad helped out as much as he could. Also, we attended Church every week together as a family and my mum was then known as 'the pied piper' as she took all the children from our street to Church too.

In 2011, 'life as I knew it' took a turn for the worse and I ended up 15, homeless and no parents to rely on. This, and the usual teenage issues, meant that I was entering a strange and uncertain time, a time where I literally felt like I had nobody. I had a few friends in school but I was basically one of those people who knew and had connections to everyone! I didn't have a friendship group per se and I wasn't very good at talking about emotions. I would prefer to be happy, confident and make the most of the people around me. Without really thinking about it, I was more outward looking and people-focused, rather than looking to my own needs and feelings. But this situation made me feel quite angry and I blamed God for what had happened. After 10 years of just us, my mum met a guy and he moved in fairly quickly. None of us were very keen on him but particularly my little brother. He decided he'd like to move out. So, he went to live with my step-dad who was suffering from bowel cancer. Me being me, then decided that enough was enough and gave mum and this guy a piece of my mind. I knew that this was the wrong approach, but it was the only way I could express my inner anger at the time. This resulted in my mum's decision to choose a man over her children. It also led to my decision to move out, I went to live with dad, to help and nurse him and look after my 12 year old brother - Ryan. However, this was short lived as dad passed away on 5th March 2011 and this broke our hearts. To add to the heart break, my mum then decided that this was the right time to move away. She left with my three siblings, meaning Ryan and I were homeless and parent-less. I went off the rails and rejected everyone I once knew and trusted. I questioned everyone and everything during this difficult time. I began to wonder, Why me? What can I live for now? Will I ever see my siblings again? Why did my mum do this to us? Does she really love me? Has my life been a lie until now?

These questions remained unanswered for a while and as I sought to deal with the crazy amount of emotion, internally.. I was drawn to something that everyone at my age had been doing, but maybe not to the extent I was about to. I turned to the dangerous substance, alcohol and used this to help me block out the pain I felt inside. I drank alcohol regularly, went to every party I could on the weekends and I looked to this, to help form my identity. I also looked to men and changing my appearance to help me deal with the deep, dark hole that was no longer filled, in my heart. I thought sex and relationships could help me change the feeling of unloved by my family but it didn't, not really. Maybe temporarily, but not long term. Even though my reactions and behaviours were impulsive and erratic, I was still supported by people who I had grown up to know and love. Going to Church was my 'get-out' if you like, it helped me see things from a different perspective. I loved the people there and believed that God was there to listen to me. I had given up on Church during this time but my youth worker hadn't given up on me. He chose to be God-in-action and show me God's unconditional love. It took me a while to see this and the plan God had for me.. but this, along with the fact that my auntie had become a Christian 4 years prior to this, helped me see there was more to life than what I had thought it was up until now. Why mention my auntie you may ask? Because she was a God-sent. This is something I  truly believe happened, God sent my auntie to come and get me that day in June 2011, to live with her and re-kindle, re-establish my faith. And ever since, I have been on a journey of faith, strength, discovery and hope. Nine years later and I can honestly say that my faith has been the only one true steadfast hope to heal my heart and guide my path. Jesus saved my life, and I am glad of a second, third, fourth and fifth chance, in fact endless chances from a God of endless love.

Thanks for reading!

Mel